“Apologizing does not always mean you are wrong, it just means that you value your relationships more than your ego.” – Unknown.
People feel alone. We all do eventually.
Who do we talk to?
Do you have a friend with whom you can openly talk about anything that comes across your mind? I’m talking about our fears, our insecurities and the things that make us feel uncomfortable. The things that make us feel VULNERABLE. I am not talking about what you did today, or how lucky you got last night at the club.
A friend, specially a good friend, needs to be taken care of. Friendship needs time, love, patience, trust and understanding, among other things. It demands feedback. Because of the effort, for some people might be easier to excuse themselves saying that their friends do not understand them instead of recognizing that they just do not want to invest that time in a meaningful friendship. It might be easier for them to lock their feelings, insecurities and weird moods into a shell and pretend that nothing happens.
Easier but not better.
And yes, a lot happens if you block yourself like this.
No Bueno.
We all want a super good friend by our side that sticks to us no matter what. By saying this I don’t mean 24h a day physically together, I mean knowing that you have someone you can rely on.
It is, of course, harder than it seems and, as time goes by and we grow up, it becomes even harder. Our agendas become tighter, our time more restricted, and we really have to decide how and with who do we want to spend the limited free time that we have.
Misunderstandings might happen because of the difficulties to get together, because of the time constraints, because of whatever reason. We tend to complain about how friends do not do the things that we expect. We complain how selfish they are sometimes or how busy they are doing other things instead of asking us how we are or how our daily routine is going.
Maybe you do the same.
Our love for our friends should be stronger than our ego.
Being a friend is a give and take. You want to get something from them, but you need to give something too. Feedback. Let them know that they are important to you. They are not mind readers. If you explain yourself, they will understand. Feedback.
A friendship does not simply “exist”. It is a relationship. Feedback. We have to take care of it. Trust and affinity do not simply stay where once existed, things change, we all change. Simply because it used to be there does not mean it will remain there. Time goes by, we grow up and things change. A friendship is a “vivid” thing, it is not static. Feedback.
You have to demonstrate that you are still there for your friends if you want to keep them close, otherwise…they might vanish –without the “might”.
Good friends are the ones with who you can talk about your “darker” or “deeper” things knowing that they might disagree with you, but that they will not turn your back on you. If you verbalize your worries they will become easier to overcome, they will be one step closer to disappear. It is also important who do you verbalize them with. Good friends are the perfect candidates.
Friends are cheaper and way more effective than therapy.
Be there for them if you want them to be there for you.
Feedback.
I am of the opinion that before looking for a partner, we all should have good friends.
We always talk about romantic relations, love connections, other halves and the perfect match.
Well, here is the thing: I want to complete myself, I neither want to have the need to find a perfect other half, nor the need to desperately look for someone. If he appears, GREAT! if he does not appear, GREAT! But first and foremost, to me, friends are a basic part of one’s emotional stability, crucial for our sanity. They are supposed to be “the chosen family”.
They should be the perfect match.
Demystify the fallacy of finding a partner who is our all: “friend”, “lover”, “pillar”, “stability” and so on. We need from people, more than one, we are social beings.
Diversify your attention and let your friends know they are important to you. Your partner might leave eventually (or not), a GOOD friend will stick to you no matter what, remember?
